Colors of a storyRedWas the bloodwith its dark red colorthat flowed down to the leg.YellowWho was so shythat his shyness transformed into angerwhen people spoke to him.Bluewas his favorite color.He loved it so much,bright and stabbingGreenwas his favorite colorthat he wanted on his #27 jersey,but it never happened.He tried it again and again.However, he never succeeded in.Brownwas his defeat.The thought in mind that the number # 27 will always remain a dream,made him depressed.The anger, it grew throughout his bodyas the same time he was ripped off by classmatesno, not the classmates are stupid as he always meant ithe was himself stupidWhitethe mourning color in Asian culturesWhenever he went homehung him the fury of his classmatesstill in the headand he could not concentrate on school.Appears simultaneously he was slain by his parentsbecause he was not paying attention in school.And scared to go home, he was a foolwith the big boys, breakin all the rules.He shed tears with my baby sisterBlackits new color, which makes him strong.He forgot the part about his dream, his jersey numberand that he is a stupid classmate of his soldNo the school is his new targetHe realized his futurehis parents started to support him.Loner, far and wide no brothers thereBut maybe his dream is indeed really true.And he can buy mum a house at lastWith the money that he earned...Written by Luzhen_4B_2013
Friday, 20 September 2013
The Color Poem by Luzhen Gong
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Amazing! I am guessing this poem would work really well as a slam as well. What makes me think so is the inscreasing length of paragraphs towards the end.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate how the reader only knows a some fragments about the character's life in the beginning and how the poem then goes on to reveil very detailed information about his personality.
Just two things:
- he never succeeded (you only need the "in" if you are going to add something afterwards. e.g.: he never succeeded in sports)
- it's absolutely fine to use short forms such as breakin', givin' etc. in poetry but please add an apostrophe at the end so that it is clear that these forms are intentional an not typoes.